Fear

I haven’t been able to write anything recently and I can’t even say I’ve tried to write anything. I just have a fear of writing something pointless. I haven’t got something important or useful to say so I’m afraid to write anything in case it doesn’t sound good. I know that if I don’t like what I’ve wrote I can delete it. So why the fear? There’s nobody peering over my shoulder judging me, just my own brain telling me I can’t do this. I’m always afraid to continue with a new found project and it’s getting me nowhere as expected. 

I’ve been listening to Paramore’s new album lately and it’s about the future, moving on, growing up, becoming more independent, not needing to rely on anyone and realising you can do what you dream to do. ‘Ain’t it fun, living in the real world, Ain’t it good, being all alone’ The whole album has a positive vibe and is relatable to how I’m feeling right now. In one of the songs ‘The future’ the lyrics say ‘we don’t talk about the past’ and explain what I mean about moving on to better things.

‘Just think of the future,
And think of your dreams.
You’ll get away from here,
You’ll get away eventually.’

Their songs inspire me to do more creative work. ‘It’s just a spark, But it’s enough to keep me going’ So I thought I’d start by writing a wee paragraph or two. The other day I took out my sketchbook and pencils and set up my laptop looking for images to draw because I feel I can’t draw without something for a reference. Then my laptop switched itself off again as there’s something wrong with the battery so I left the art and didn’t start it. Once again letting obstacles that I put there stop me from doing anything creative. Am I afraid to fail or am I scared to start a project and find out if I’m any good or not. I would like just once to be able to finish what I started instead of bailing and moving on to a new thing. At what point do I start to feel like an adult?

Thoughts on Paramore

Ok Paramore. I’ve loved them since I was 16 and have all 3 of their albums. Aah 16, things were so much simpler back then. They are still one of my favourite bands but when I first heard their new song ‘still into you’ I assumed their whole album was going to be quite bad. My first thoughts were that I had noticed their music had gone in a different direction and sure I would still listen to it but I wasn’t as keen on it as I was before. Then I started listening to the whole album just skipping the ‘still into you’ song but sometimes I’d forget it was on and would catch myself singing to that song cos it’s so damn catchy … no judging. #HannahHarto. 

 I think when I first heard their new song ‘still into you’ and saw the video I was really disappointed because I thought my favourite band had gone down-hill. I just didn’t understand Hayley Williams personality changes as she seems completely different in each of their songs from ‘emergency’ to ‘misery business’, the song ‘now’ to ‘still into you’ where her personality has totally changed. She’s become unrelatable to me and unfamiliar. So maybe this isn’t about her changing and moving on to better things but my inability to adapt to change in life. Well I’ve been listening to their new album so much and love ‘aint it fun’ so now I like most of the songs but ‘Still into you’ is definitely taking its time to grow on me.                                                            

I used to love Paramore more than The foo-fighters, even more than lip balm. I’d say they’re all equal now. Although what annoys me is when people say the new paramore sucks because the original band members left. They only say that because “it isn’t cool” to say you like the new stuff with the new band members. People need to get over themselves, they think because the band’s music isn’t “retro” it isn’t cool anymore.  I was obviously disappointed because I thought the band would be over, then they got new people and I thought no way is this going to be as good but they proved me wrong.

Anyway as a Paramore fan I suppose I will adjust to this new music style they have going on. After all it is more upbeat which is nice and summery. Yay summer 

Train of thought..Cats

See what I’ve started. Now my mind keeps narrating everything I think. Nobody cares brain. Damn, calm yourself.

As a live aloner, I end up putting music on and singing away to cover the quiet in the house. Also I notice that I pretty often answer my own thoughts out loud or talk back to the laptop when I have an opinion on whatever I’m seeing.  Some people (well everyone) would call this ‘talking to yourself freak’. But I’m going to go with ‘just speaking my mind accidently’.

Anywho it has got worse as one time(several times) that one time in band camp. No seriously( serious moustache face) and maybe a tiny beard. Ok! *gets off of the train of thought* back to cats. Hey Kyra. As I said one time I caught myself singing in meows whilst putting out the washing. Then plenty other times I maybe accidently said meowness stuff in the street. Craig was there. He was ashamed of me I’m sure. But it’s ok Craig I understand why you think I’m crazy.

P.S.  mew 

Books vs Kindles

 

 

bookskindles

I first learned to read when I was 3 or 4. Well I’m guessing my mum taught me, so I’m thankful because she gave me a head start before starting school as I went to school at age 4. By primary 2 I had read all of the ‘Biff, Chip and Kipper’ books which taught you to read. So I had to find new books to read, something more my level. After that I loved reading books all the time. For instance books like ‘Harry Potter’, ‘The fairytales of Grimm’, ‘The magic faraway tree’, etc. Some really great books to take you into a whole other world that inspired you and amazed you as a child.

Now I’m older I still like those same books but I also like authors such as Freya North, Lindsey Kelk and Sophie Kinsella, etc. There are still so many books I need to read by other authors, books I’ve not yet heard of. I’ve noticed that since the internet has taken over my life I read a lot less which is ridiculous. I try to read in bed but end up looking at the book and thinking it’s not happening then falling asleep. When I was in college I got a couple new books and read them at night, in the morning on the ferry/train, break time, lunchtime, back home again. Some books just have you hooked.

Kindles are something I don’t quite understand because I find holding an actual book more satisfying than reading from a tablet. The pro’s to the Kindle are; it’s good for travel so you don’t have to carry loads of books, you take up less space and some let you browse online. The cons are; it can run out of battery so you only have a set amount of reading time when travelling. So in my eyes, that is pointless. Also books are better, so case closed. I do however think it would be useful to get a tablet if it was necessary for my art and jewellery work as you can take it around with you in a handbag as it is more light weight than a laptop. So you can take it out when you need to do work or research. But it’s not something I need right now as they are pretty expensive.

Back to topic, what do you think about the debate between Kindles and books? Are you pro or against? I can see good factors in each but I don’t think kindles are necessary unless you do a lot of travelling.